Gone Fishing

What's That Mean?

The twins, dressed and playing Rainbow Fairies, are reading books about Delta Force and the Army Rangers. 

This Moment

{this moment} A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. -- via SouleMama

Knock Knock

Me: Knock, knock.

Twin J: Who's there?

Me: Lion.

Twin J: Lion who?

Me: Lion's don't say "who," Lion's say "ROAR!"

________________________________

Twin J: Knock, knock.

Me: Who's there?

Twin J: Inuit.

Me: Inuit who?

Twin J: Inuits don't say "who," they say "Brrr!"

Air Rocket

I've been thinking a bit about how to introduce more science into the boys' lives.  I'm not sure how I stumbled onto the air rocket.  It may have been my perusing of Make Magazine.  The materials were less that $20 and it took 20 minutes to construct -- and that with three helpers. 

At this point I'm less interested in explaining to them the physics of things like rockets.  They aren't that interested in abstract ideas such as propulsion, gravity, and resistance.  They're more interested in stomping on a bottle and seeing how high they can propel a tube of paper.  I'm hoping that experiences like this stick with them and they find interest in learning how those things work when they're a bit older. 

They were interested in the rocket system for a couple of days, and then it was onto something else, but it was a fun couple of days. 

This Moment

{this moment} A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. -- via SouleMama

Boats, Bikes, and Bricks: 2011 Edition

Today I ran the second annual Boats, Bike, and Bricks micro-triathlon for the second time (read about last year's run here).  It was another great event organized by the Flint River Corridor Alliance. 

This year was a bit different: I was slower.  I could make all kinds of excuses, but they don't matter.  It was a great time on a great course. This year it started in the now closed Mott Park Golf Course. 

In the sandtrap.

The river was up and it was a great paddle. That stretch of river is a bit faster than downtown, but it's also prettier.  Trees overhang the river and the water was cool.  The best part of the paddle, though, was the cheering section on the bridge over this shot.

Returning to Port.

Next this year was the run through a mowed strip of old golf course and a short circuit on a couple of streets.  I have fond memories on that golf course with my best friend.  As I ran I looked at all the water and weeds I left golf balls in.  It reminded me of the troubles in Flint, but the triathlon made me think about what is possible.  Running is my least favorite activity in life.  I prefer to wash dishes to running.  Yes, you read that right.  I was fortunate today to run with a man I met on the course named Mark.  I thought I would have to walk most of the 2.4k, but managed to run the whole thing.  That may or may not have been the best choice because I was fairly spent on the bike ride, my favorite part of the tri. 

Running with my support team.

The bike course was a nice way to showcase a recently finished part of the bike-pedestrian trail in Flint, ending with a mild climb that reminded me of the Alpe d'Huez.  Maybe I was a bit tired by that point, but it was worth it.  If I could change one piece of the ride, I would have had us come out onto Grand Traverse a bit further north so I could have stopped and had an espresso at Good Beans Cafe.  I've always wanted to break in a bike race for an espresso. 

In the end I finished in 1:02:17.  I could have finished sooner if I were in better shape.  It wasn't bad given that I wasn't even sure I was going to be able to compete because of a conflict.  Maybe I'll even train for next year, but I doubt it.  I do like the idea of using events like this to try and keep myself in shape.  It almost made me want to try running the Crim, but I have a sink full of dishes that need washing.  So I have no time to train. 

I like that it's a non-competitive event.  I think it makes it more fun.  Only one person I saw didn't smile.  He was too serious or maybe he thought smiling would make him less aerodynamic.  I don't know. 

Something else important, again, is that the boys had a good time and were talking about wanting to run their own race and wanting to run the race with my next year.  It makes me happy to see them interested in these kinds of activities. 

Now it's time to gear up for some good bike rides this summer. 

This Moment

{this moment} A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. -- via SouleMama

Reading Party

Twin M has been making some leaps in his reading ability and he's decided to start sharing those leaps a bit by reading books aloud.  We've tried to encourage his reading and sharing, so when he said he wanted a reading party, we agreed.  So we invited some of their friends over. 

We weren't really sure what to expect from a reading party (I've never been to one). Some reading happened, including the picture above, and then things shifted a bit to a more traditional five year old party.  We played and laughed, ate pizza, and had cupcakes with frightening blue frosting with sprinkles.  It ended with a good run through the sprinkler.    

All three boys love reading more than I did at their age.  My mother said how much she wished she could have read more to me, but I wouldn't sit still.  I hope the boys maintain their love of reading and I plan to do what I can to encourage it.  Here's a little research on the benefits of reading to small children.  Here are some resources from the University of Michigan about reading.  But really, as I suspect you all know, simply reading to children is the key. 

As the boys learn to read, I realized that I will be able to do less and less of it.  I can see their independence growing daily and I suspect that will happen with reading as well.  And I hope my love of reading to the boys will grow into of love of reading with the boys, sitting around the breakfast table reading the paper as I did with my parents.  Or simply sitting in the living room or on the back deck sharing funny passages from books or graphic novels or magazines. 

This Moment

 

{this moment} A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. -- via SouleMama

This Moment

{this moment} A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. -- via SouleMama

Light Box

One of the twins told me he liked to trace things.  It was news to me, but I thought it would fun to make all the boys a light box so the could trace things, which they did seem interested in doing.  It took a while, but I made it mostly from materials in my basement.  Here it is:

It was fun to make, and despite my mistakes along the way, it worked out pretty well.  I wish the lights were brighter, but they work.  It's also been sitting near where this picture was taken, unused, since I made it.  Despite my whine, I'm not too bothered.  They may come back to it later, maybe years later, and it was fun to make.  It's nice that I have a bit more time to work on projects like this. 

It was also fun watching our youngest try to ride his bike onto it. 

This Moment

 

{this moment} A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. -- via SouleMama

This Moment

{this moment} A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. -- via SouleMama

This Moment

{this moment} A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. -- via SouleMama

I Can Try

I've decided to try and capture some of the fun or interesting conversations that go on in our house. I don't think they'll be particularly unique or insightful, but they might be fun.  So here is the first:


Yesterday our youngest bit me.  It's unusual for him and he was playing around, but I wasn't thrilled.  I calmly told him biting was not okay.  He tried again, and I stopped him.

Victim: Please don't bite me.  Biting is not okay.  It hurts.

Photo by Salvatore Rabito Alcón

(Pause)

Biter: I eat you.

Victim: (Smile) No, you cannot eat me.

(Shockingly brief pause.)

Biter: I can try.

This Moment

{this moment} A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. -- via SouleMama

Earth Day in Flushing

While the boys and I were at the UM-Flint Earth Day events a week ago, we walked past Good Ol' Redbeard's booth advertising the Earth Day Festivities at Riverview Park in Flushing.  A week later we were on our way to Flushing. 

As we crossed into the city of Flushing, the drizzle began to hit our windshield and I knew we could be in trouble.  It had been a drizzily day, but the boys needed some time to run like border collies. I wanted to get out and stretch my legs and begin to shake off the late April winter, so we continued. 

Three bands were advertised, as well as lots of enviro-booths, a canoe float, a bounce house, and a river.  I would lie if I said it wasn't an Earth Day disappointment.  The band on stage when we arrived seemed to only be playing around -- rather than playing music, and the 7 people milling around to hear the band (all family and friends?) braved the cold drizzle.   Was this Earth Day?  Was this the best Michigan could do?

I felt like we were the only people there who didn't know the band or have a booth.  The boys wanted to play in the bounce house, but we said no because it was wet and you can't wear shoes in a bounce house.  We didn't want soaked socks and pants.  

After watching a muskrat try to swim across the river, we went to the play area on the far end of the park.  There the boys had a blast running around, swinging, and playing the imaginary games of small children.  Aside from being outside, it didn't feel like an Earth Day event.

We finally left the play area and headed to the Flushing A, a former A&W that changed it's name so it could serve its own food (according to the rumor I heard).  It didn't seem an Earth Day type of place we should be going to.  We probably should have eaten at Dale's Natural Food counter or Seva, but the former doesn't seem a place for wild chidren and we would have had to drive too far for the latter on Earth Day.

Instead we conserved fossil fuels and ate at the Flushing A.  I don't anticipate our eating there again.  The food was mediocre at best, and though our server was kind, our order was hopelessly wrong -- twice.  My wife heard other tables complaining about wrong orders as well.  So it goes.

When we left, the band had disbanded and nearly everyone was gone from the booths to the bandstand and the bounce house -- closing 3 hours earlier than advertised.  We didn't care, though. We were on our way out as well.

The boys begged to go into the bounce house again, but the wife and I were ready to head home and we didn't want soaked muskrat children.  I regret that decision now.  They would have had a blast and they would have been fine on the ride home, but at the time it seemed home was the best option.

Despite our difficulties, the day was nice and the boys had a nice time.  They got to run and swing and yell and eat hot dogs. Maybe it wasn't such a bad Earth Day after all.

This Moment

{this moment} A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. -- via SouleMama

Geocaching

You may have seen my photoessay on geocaching here.  It had moments of lots of fun and moments of deep frustration as we tried to use an auto GPS for tracking latitude and longitude in the bushes while looking for something well-hidden.  But I'm going to focus on the fun.

First, if you are unfamiliar with geocaching, it's essentially a sophisticated, high-tech game of hide and seek.  Here is a nice video explaining is (sans frustration):



So here's what I have to say about geocaching.  It's a great way to drag kids outdoors.  Caches are hidden in urban, rural, and wilderness environments; you can find something to suit your needs.  When I went to the website, I found over 70 caches hidden within five miles of our house.  Not bad.  You don't need anything special beyond a GPS, and now most smartphones have it.  You can even get an app to make it easier, make maps, and record your findings. 

On our adventure, the boys were interested until we ran into the problem of searching for something well hidden.  In this case, it was fairly well hidden for newbies like us. Fortunately our boys have imaginations only rivaled by the drug-addled cartoonists of the 1920s and they managed to trek into the thorny shrubs to find a "cave" and then they proceeded to convince my wife to climb in.  She couldn't make it. 

But after I found the cache, the boys were very interested in what it was, where it was hidden, and how it was hidden.  On our way home, the boys wanted to explore more, but we didn't have time to search for a second cache in the neighborhood.

I could prattle on about how important it is to get kids outside, have them explore their environment, use their bodies, learn about nature, play games to stimulate their intellect, etc.  Instead I'll leave you with this:

The boys slept great that night. 

This Moment

{this moment} A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. -- via SouleMama

Boy vs. Girl Advertising Language

Below are two word clouds created by Crystal Smith over at The Achilles Effect for a post exploring the language of advertisements for boys and girls.  Go to the post here for a better view.  I don't think I need to belabor the point about how our society reinforces gender stereotypes.  But it was interesting seeing the clouds and then reading Smith's methodology. Check it out.

From a personal perspective, we've tried to not to reinforce some of the stereotypes, and in some ways we've been successful.  Our boys interests cross between the words on those clouds quite fluidly.  But I know the older they get the more society will influence their lives.  I hope when that happens they will be comfortable enough with who they are to remain so.

GeoCaching: A Photo Essay

First attempt at geocaching:

Not long after the photo above one of our adventurers' party melted down and we returned home without reaching our goal. 

Try #2:

A victory celebration and entering "the cave!"

For the Love of Books

Sometimes I'm slow to notice things under my nose.  And I often have someone small right under my nose.  My most recent oversight was our youngest really starting get books.  He's always been interested in books, as many small children are (here and here).  When we read to him, he would often want to look at pictures and insist on turning pages before we could get through the only three words on them.  He was learning the mechanics of reading.

A few days ago, my wife told me that E was asking her what words meant in the book she was reading.  I know this drill from our older twins (and how maddening it can be to try to explain concepts like time or outer space). 

So I was pleased when at bedtime I sat on our bed in my pjs, E sitting between my legs in his, and I read him books, cover to cover -- repeatedly.  He didn't turn pages prematurely.  And during that reading, he asked me what words meant.  How does one explain what a rocket is to a two year old?  A sky rocket that explodes in bunches of fruit no less (Jamberry).  

It was nice to have that moment with him, quiet and exciting.  And I look forward to more. 

This Moment

{this moment} A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. -- via SouleMama

This Moment

{this moment} A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. -- via SouleMama

My Child is a Cyborg

 

I came home from work yesterday and was sitting with Twin J on the floor playing silly chess (that is a topic for another post).  I noticed he had colored his arm -- or someone had.  This is not an unusual event in our house, though it did seem a bit more focused and intentional than the usual random human-canvas approach our youngest has.  During a break in the intense game I asked about the art and I got this response: It's a machine. It fills people up with what they need/or he wants.   This may sound odd to you, but there is history here.  Let me explain.

When the twins were younger and I put them to bed, I would read them stories.  Then, after the lights were out, I would make up a story of two, often putting them in as characters. This is not uncommon for parents.  Also, not uncommon for parents is to be so utterly exhausted at the end of a day of chasing twin 3-year olds around the house, neighborhood, park that the parents falls asleep faster than the twins, or at least wants to.  So, on occasion I would try to beg off from telling a story because I didn't have the creativity or will to make up a story and/or retell one I had previously made up.  In our house there was a stiff penalty for not being able to retell a story I had made up recently while in a near comatose state of exhaustion.

So on those nights, I would tell the boys that I was all out of stories.  Enter the machine.  The boys claimed they could refill me with ideas/energy/or whatever else was needed to enable me to tell a story and allow them to stay up longer.  It's kind of like refilling a gas tank with imagination.  Sometimes it worked; sometimes it didn't.  Occasionally over the past couple of year, the notion of filling someone (usually me) with whatever was needed to get the twins what they wanted has resurfaced. Most recently it has had to do with energy to fling the boys about the house, hold them upside down, or simply hold them while I walk around the house and they reach out with their legs and arms to walls, cupboard pulls or anything else that might throw me off-balance or knock things off a shelf or wall.  

So yesterday I came home to the machine colored on my son's arm.  Essentially, my son was telling me he was a cyborg. He was ready to give me whatever I needed so I could swing him around in my shoulders.  I admit it made me laugh.  I lost the game of silly chess (though I always do).  It amazed me about his creativity and willingness to involve his body in such an endeavor -- without hesitation.  Maybe Kevin Warwick or Wafaa Bilal could use some input from a deeply imaginative mind.

This Moment -- Spring!

{this moment} A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. -- via SouleMama

Computer Parenting

Okay, maybe my title is a bit hyperbolic, but I was struck when I stumbled across this commercial for a Nursery Rhymes app.



I basically had two reactions when I saw this. First, I thought it was sad that the dad can't be home to put his daughter to bed.  Maybe he's a workaholic (which I can relate to) or maybe his job demands long hours.  In our current world, most jobs put work before family. My second thought, after my second watching, is that the father is out of the country and can't be home.  He is away on business. It made the commercial a bit more palatable for me, but I couldn't help but wonder why he wouldn't want to have a conversation with his daughter.  Why not just talk?

If I were completely cynical, I would say the daughter wasn't really paying much attention to the father because she was playing with the iPad.  Of course she is paying a bit of attention because she is on the same rhyme as her father and children can listen and play at the same time (though sometimes I wonder if this is true). Also, they seem to imply the father is away on business because he speaks a different language to a colleague.  It doesn't seem to account for the time change, but there would be ways to rationalize that as well. And then there is concern about how screen time disrupts sleep patterns.  Maybe I'm just cranky, but the add rubbed me the wrong way.

It was just a thought.

This Moment

{this moment} A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. -- via SouleMama

Unschooled Word Problems

We plan to homeschool our children.  More specifically, WonderMom will be doing the schooling.  I do school all day and value my relationship with my sons too much to do the schooling.  I've done enough to drive them into therapy, why compound it?  I don't want to make this post about why we will be homeschooling.  I'll save that for a different time, when I have more time.  In the meantime, here is the link to Badass Dad's reason they are homeschooling.  Their reasons don't fall too far from mine. 

Recently the unschooling movement got some bad press via Good Morning America.  I'm not going to link to it because I don't want to perpetuate their misconceptions or George Stephanoloplis's stupidity.  I'm not necessarily advocating unschooling because I don't know enough about it, but here and here are a couple of nice places to look.  I really like the idea, but I'm possibly too much of a control freak and neurotic for unschooling.  We'll see.  I like the terms "natural learning" and "experience-based learning" that Earl Stevens uses.  That makes it easier for me to consider.  In fact experience-based learning is one of the latest pushes at my university. 


So recently we brought our ball pit up from its basement storage.  It's really a pack-n-play with the few remaining ball pit balls that haven't been crushed, torn apart, or aren't hiding under the couch.  WonderMom was trying to stop the twins from simply throwing the balls all over the room, so she had the boys collect each color ball, then guess how many their were.  We moved through five colors of balls, first collecting and then placing them in a basket.  Guesses ranged from 5 to 3 million.  Twin M, on the advice of WonderMom, quickly began to assess the number based on how many balls were in the basket the last time.  Eventually Twin J focused and did the same.  For the white balls, of which there were only eight, we counted by ones and then by twos.  I'm told the twins are beginning to count by twos, but can also count by fives and tens.  It was great fun and everyone was focuses (for the most part), including the two-year old in my arms.  If you haven't figured it out yet, it was a beautiful moment of experience-based learning.  The twins were having fun and were engaged.  They were naturally interested in finding out how many balls of each color there were.  It was a fun 30 minutes or so. 

At dinner, Twin J says: E, if you've got three bowls and one plate and you take away three bowls, what do you get? 

So now my boys are making up word problems.  Who knew school could be such fun?

This Moment

{this moment} A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. -- via SouleMama

Toddler in Overhead Compartment?

I've had a bit of outrage lately.  The news and interwebs have been covering lots of toddlers getting duct taped to walls or tape over their mouths or other ridiculous forms of child abuse that parents find funny enough to post to Twitter, Facebook, or send via phone to friends (here and here).  In the second case I link to the parents were high and thought it was funny.  I can't even really comment on that one I find it so offensive and disturbing.  Let's just say I couldn't be an unbiased juror in their case to avoid the abuse they will experience with their jail time. 

With all the stories about kids duct taped, I was only partially surprised when I read about a flight attendant who, as a joke, put a toddler in the overhead compartment on a Virgin Airline flight (here). Though the stories I read on this don't have much detail, I also wonder how the flight attendant got a hold of the toddler.  What were the parents doing while the flight attendant had the toddler? What the hell?

Who thinks that's funny, besides drug-addled, abusive parents in Nebraska? 

This Moment

{this moment} A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. -- via SouleMama

Guy Time

I'd like to believe when things look bleak in the world, the world throws a life-line.  Work has been a bear lately, I've been fighting some kind of cold for nearly two weeks that's moved to my chest, and my screamy-fighty kids have been sick and difficult to be around. 

I was and wasn't thrilled when the boys' mother was going to be gone for a good chunk of the day selling our junk at a mom-to-mom sale.  I'm always glad when she has a chance to get out of the house sans kids, but my anxiety increases exponentially when I'm the one watching all three.  In this case we would also move through nap-time for the youngest.  I don't recall ever putting our youngest down for a nap -- bed, yes -- nap, no.  So, the day came and mom left early in the morning.  And there I was with three feral boys with cabin fever.  What did I do?

I packed them up and took them to the Flint Children's Museum.  We had a blast.  Everyone got along and we had the chance to do everything they wanted.  They have a space exhibit (that looks a lot like their submarine exhibit). We played on the fire engine, we scaled the climbing wall -- a lot.  We stayed two hours, which is pretty good for us.  Then, we piled back into the van, I handed each of them a snack bag, and I was left to my own thoughts on the drive home as they devoured their goodies. 

At home, I convinced the youngest to take a nap.  He slept on me for a good while as I contemplated putting him down.  He was warm and snuggly and perfect.  The twins watched some tv while I put the youngest down for a nap, and when I did come down stairs, they ate some lunch. 

Finally, mother came home and the boys were very glad to see her.  But we had a great day.  It was some good ole' guy time and I felt like I might survive being a parent yet.  At least it gives me hope, anyway. 

This Moment

{this moment} A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. -- via SouleMama

This Moment

{this moment} A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. -- via SouleMama

Word Cloud of The Family Bed

I made a word cloud using Wordle from The Family Bed's text going back to late October.  Below is what it came up with.  I think it's interesting.  I admit I'm not too disappointed.

Click on the word cloud for a larger view.

Is the Joy of Parenting Really a Myth?

Wray Herbert recently wrote a disturbing piece about how parenting may not be all that joyous after all.  You can read it here. I admit I'm still processing it, but the basic gist of it is that we parents delude ourselves into thinking that being a parent is a joyful act.  Herbert writes:

But let's face the facts: Study after study has shown that parents, compared to adults without kids, experience lower emotional well-being -- fewer positive feelings and more negative ones -- and have unhappier marriages and suffer more from depression.

Reading that didn't make me too happy.  Or should I write that I had more negative feelings.  Maybe I should stick to pets, proven to have positive health effects on people.  I admit that I have my share of bad parental days.  How that compares to my life before kids is a difficult question.  I readily acknowledge that I have given up many of my favorite activities to help raise our children.  Is that okay?  It depends on the day.  After our recent snowpocalypse, I helped the twins make their own igloos (really snow caves cut out of the cement-like snow piled up from the plowed road).  That was joyous.  In fact, it was a rare moment in which I didn't spend any time stepping out of the experience to analyze it.  That is rare for me. 

But really, I have given up sleeping well.  I have fallen behind or dropped many of the life practices I think are important (exercise, paying bills, home and car maintenance).  As painful as it has been giving up some of the things I love and some important life practices, I can rationalize my cognitive dissonance as well as the next parent. 

Being a parent has helped me to simplify my life.  I spend less money and time on frivolous things.  In fact, I spend less time coveting frivolous things and activities as well.  I spend more time doing what I think is important, which is spending time with human beings and participating in creative acts (that only small children can create -- imagine Calvinball explained through nonsense-speak).  I think more about the future, not just in a global-the-world-needs-love kind of way, but in a very practical, local, what kind of life do I want to lead and to give my children.

Herbert writes about an earlier time when children were valued more for their economic contributions to the family and less for the emotional relationships they had with their parents.  Herbert also writes about the ways parents rationalize their choices.  I suspect I am doing that here, too.  In my pre-parent life I would never have been staying up late to write.  I would do that during normal business hours.  Now, I am sacrificing more sleep so I can have some semblance of a writing life and spend time during the day with my children -- something I think is vital and priceless.  I refuse to be an absentee parent.  I refuse to be an absentee parent (yes, I wrote that twice: once for you and once for me). Over the last two days I have gotten very little work done (which is painful for a workaholic like me), but I've had two snow days and I chose to spend it with my kids.  We've had a great time that can never be replaced.  I hope we talk about the snow of 2011 for years to come. 

Being a parent is also a lot more expensive than not having children.  Herbert claims that raising kids to 18 costs approximately $190k.  For me that means $270k.  I don't know where Herbert and the government gets that number, but ouch!  What would I spend that 270k on?  Electronic gadgets?  Travel?  Tools? What are those things worth?

So, am I rationalizing being happier as a parent.  Am I sticking my head in the snow to avoid reality?  No.  I think being a parent is hard.  It's certainly harder than not being a parent. But here's what I know.  Being a parent has forced me to live closer to the life I think I should be living.  I knew the life I thought I should live before I had children, but I didn't live it.  Now I have to.  I can't afford not to.  And I don't simply mean afford in the financial sense.  I can't afford to screw up being a parent.  I have to live a life that models what I value.  I have to ride the bike path I believe is right. 

So for me, ultimately it isn't about parenting being a joy or not. Sure, I could write about the joyous moments of parenting, of seeing amazing leaps my children make, seeing their faces light up and the unconditional love-hugs I get on a daily basis.  But my response to Herbert's piece isn't about my positive or negative feelings, and it isn't about financial security. It's about parenting helping me be the person I've always thought I should be.  There are days that it sucks, days that I wish I could hop a plane to Belize and fish for bonefish in the sun. But I believe I'm on the right path and I have my kids to thank for that. 

This Moment

{this moment} A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. -- via SouleMama

This Moment

{this moment} A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. -- via SouleMama

Head Cold

I used to have an immune system.  Now I have children.

Sugar on Snow: A Photo Essay

{this moment} A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. -- via SouleMama